The Big Fat African Wedding

About a week ago, I had the privilege of going to an African wedding.  Our friend Lamech, who owns Orasea Supermarket in town, was getting married and invited the entire team to attend.  Thinking, “Hey, great cultural experience,” I was definitely game.

About 2 weeks before the wedding, our invitation was hand-delivered.  The first hint that this would be more than we bargained for: the invitation said the ceremony would be at 10 am, with the reception to immediately follow at 2 pm.  Starting to sound like a long day?  Knowing how “African” functions tend to start a little late, we decided to leave the house at 10—we definitely weren’t going to rush and be 30 minutes early, like we would be in the States!  We weren’t exactly sure where we were going, but we had a general idea, and figured we could ask directions once we got close.  Well, we started driving, went off-road pretty quickly, made 2 wrong turns, and before we knew it, we were in the wedding parade!  (Many people here don’t have transportation and so just walk or bike everywhere they go.  It’s customary for the wedding organizers to plan for 5 or 6 cars to pick up the bride, the groom, and their entourages and take them to the wedding.  These cars are always decorated with streamers and bows in the bride’s colors.  People come out from houses as the cars drive past and scream, shout, and cheer for the happy couple.)  So we’re in the middle of all these decorated cars with drivers honking and bystanders waving tree branches as we drive by.  They’re thrilled, and pretty impressed, too, that a bunch of Mundus are a part of this wedding!

We finally arrived at the church, before the groom and well before the bride.  We met with a few people we knew, and eventually they led all 15 of us into the church and onto the platform.  As honored guests, we sat right behind the priests.  Talk about priority seating!

Around 11 o’clock, Lamech and his best man cam in.  The band and choir were playing local songs and “warming the church” for the bride.  By 11:20 or so, there was a huge commotion outside as Jenipher, the bride, arrived and the local women welcomed her.  The Boys & Girls Brigade (think RAs and GAs or Awana) and Mothers’ Union (maybe something like the WMU?) escorted her in, and they walked so slowly it took over 5 minutes for her to get down the aisle!

Jenipher sat on the chair next to Lamech, one of the priests prayed, and we sang one of two hymns in Lugbara.  Most of the actual marriage ceremony was pretty much like what I was used to, except that Jenipher’s uncle came up to the front, took her hand, and gave it to the priest who then gave it to Lamech.  The couple said their vows, exchanged rings, knelt for a blessing, and the actual ceremony was finished.  But the service still had a LONG way to go.

We sang another song.  We read 3 different passages of Scripture.  We sang again.  One of the 6 priests gave a full-length sermon.  All in Lugbara.  (They were kind enough to translate the sermon for us—I guess they thought we needed it!)  We took an offering.  We went through 3 different liturgies and then took communion.  After 2 more prayers, the priests brought Lamech and Jenipher up on the platform to sign the marriage license.  Then they went to the front of the platform to take pictures—all while the congregation was looking on!  Finally, the service was over and the couple left, but again they walked so slowly it took 5 minutes to get out for the church!  (I am NOT exaggerating—I wish I was!  My friend Kathryn actually timed them!)  Before we got out, the decorators came to get the flowers to take to the reception.  We finally got out of the church at 2:15.  But the “event” was only half over.

We walked about 100 yards to a school where the reception was being held.  About 30 big tents were arranged in a huge square with a big open space in the center.  Under one small tent in the center was the 3-tiered wedding cake, surrounded by 9 or 10 smaller cakes, all decorated with ribbon bows.  There were also 7 long tables set out in front of the tents.  Each ten was set aside for a different group: the bride’s relatives, the groom’s relatives, the choir, the clergy (that’s us?), and invited guests.  There were also 5 or 6 tents that weren’t labeled.  People who weren’t specifically invited to the wedding were welcome to sit there.  Many brought their own chairs. 

The banquet, consisting of about 12 full cooking pots, was set out on each of the 7 large tables.  The largest pot could hold about 15 gallons and was mounded 6 inches high with enya.  Enya is the staple food of the Lugbara people.  It’s cassava flour, sometimes mixed with sorghum or millet, and cooked with water until it’s the consistency of playdough.  It’s eaten with sauces, meats, and greens as a combination utensil/stomach filler.  It’s NOT my favorite food in the world!  The enya pots were by far the largest cooking pots I’ve ever seen, and were so heavy it took 5 men to carry each one!

We sat and waited and waited and waited.  And sweated.  And waited.  The emcee finally announced Lamech and Jenipher’s arrival.  One of the decorated cars drove up, and many of the women who were seated ran up to greet them.  They spread big patterned pieces of cloth on the ground for the new couple to walk on, and they started the quarter-time walk across the fairgrounds.  It took another 5 minutes for Lamech and Jenipher to walk the 50 yards to the tent of honor where they would sit.

Someone prayed a blessing over the food, but we weren’t invited to eat yet.  A wedding is very much a community event, and all the women in the village had spent the morning preparing the feast, following Jenipher’s recipes and instructions.  It was explained that, since this was the first meal Jenipher had prepared for Lamech (with the help of the other women) as his wife, she would demonstrate how it was to be eaten.  They spread a mat on the ground and put a chair at one end.  Jenipher knelt on the mat in front of him and fed him a bit of each dish with her fingers.  When Lamech had had some of everything, it was his turn to feed Jenipher.   We were all then invited to the buffet where our plates were loaded with food.  Enya, chicken, rice, boiled potatoes, greens, roasted goat, and every part of the cow.  We ate with our fingers.

After the meal was eaten, it was time to cut the cake.  Or at least the big cake in the middle.  The mat and chair were put back in the middle of the ground, and Jenipher and Lamech fed each other pieces.    The cake was then cut into bite-sized pieces.  Lamech served cake to Jenifer’s parents and uncles, and Jenipher served Lamech’s family.  Bridesmaids then served pieces of cake to the rest of the guests, and it was, without a doubt, the driest cake I’ve ever eaten.  At some point, Lamech and Jenipher snuck out, because about 20 minutes later everyone went back to the far side of the grounds to greet them again.  Jenipher had changed from her wedding dress into a gold evening gown.  They repeated the painfully slow walk, but this time they only walked to the cake tent.  It was now time for them to give away the small cakes to the “honored guests.”  First the bride and groom’s families were called up and presented with cakes.  The emcee then asked for the chair of the wedding committee, the staff from Orasea Supermarket, members of the Arua Business Community, the clergy who officiated the wedding, and the best man and matron of honor.  Then he requested the “friends of Lamech” to come forward.  That would be us.  They made a big deal about how we had made the wedding an “international event” by attending.  Then they gave us our very own driest cake ever to take home.   I was SO excited.

They moved one of the big tables to the front of the grounds, right in front of where Lamech and Jenipher were sitting.  They then invited everyone to present their gifts to the couple.  Everyone carried their gift to a conga line and danced up to the table to give it to Lamech and Jenipher.  Finally, we had our chance.  After we presented our gifts, we conga-ed on out of there!

We walked back to the car, greeted the guys who were responsible for guarding all the bicycles, and drove home.  We finally walked in the door a few minutes before 6 pm.  We were all hot and exhausted, but it was definitely worth experiencing my first big fat African wedding!